Filling Space

05 Mar

I know it’s been a little quiet around here lately.  I don’t like that.  Because as much as I love and adore you beautiful people and it warms my heart to read your caring and funny comments, the truth is that I do this blogging thing for me. 

For my own ridiculously deficient memory so that later I can look back and relive all those moments I would otherwise have forgotten.

For all those nostalgic moments when I see my kids growing up entirely too fast and wish I could hold onto those pieces of their youth just a little tighter, for just a little longer.

And for my children, so that when they’re older they can look back and see what it was like to be their mother – the milestones, the incredible highs, and yes, even the lows.

So when I don’t get around to posting frequently, it amounts to lost time.  A wider gap that will probably never be filled in. 

It’s not that every moment needs to be chronicled – I’m not under the illusion that our lives are that important or interesting.  But I find that a lot of the moments I treasure in retrospect are not necessarily things I think are that momentous at the time.

[insert subject change]

I took Koren to the ENT today, and it looks as though our dear little boy will be getting tubes.  This has been a long time coming and can’t happen soon enough, IMHO.  He’s been on a steady stream of antibiotics since January, which bothers me on a couple of levels – not the least of which being that they haven’t actually helped.  He STILL has ear infections.  Because antibiotics just keep bacteria at bay, but they don’t help the root of the problem, which is the mass of fluid buildup that he just can’t get rid of.

He has made some improvement over the last week after a particularly strong dose of antibiotics (the shots, I don’t recall what they’re called), and he is no longer doing the incessant Nazgul shriek that had me clawing at my own ears.  And despite the still-infected ears, he’s a generally happy little guy, which tells you that they must have been REALLY painful before (“puss” is not a term you want to hear when the doctor is describing your child’s inner ear).

So on that front, it looks like we’re heading toward the light at the end of the tunnel.  And not a moment too soon.

All in all, the timing of the ear infections was pretty rotten because we had JUST gotten him to start sleeping through the night.  But with ear infections and illness, teething, crawling and the general 8-Month Sleep Regression upon us, it pretty much created the perfect storm of CRAP NIGHTS.  As in, Child Can’t Sleep AT ALL Unless Mom is Holding Him in the Rocking Chair nights.

There is nothing that throws my own frailty in my face like losing sleep.  I mean seriously, I know people who are dealing with cancer, ailing parents, financial horrors, and children diagnosed with debilitating diseases.  And here I am, crippled into a sobbing nervous wreck because ONE of my otherwise healthy children has an ear infection and I’ve lost some sleep.

Thankfully, I have a pretty stellar husband who, when I finally asked for some help because I could not handle another night of it without throwing myself down the stairs, took over and let me get a full night in peace.  I woke up a new person, with a clear head and a greater appreciation for this partnership called marriage.

The sleeping thing?  It’s still not great, but it’s getting better.  As I type this, Koren has been asleep in his own bed without assistance for almost 3 hours.  And now I’m going to shut up about it before I jinx it and mess up a possible night’s sleep.  Ciao!


 
  1. Debra

    March 6, 2009 at 4:23 am

    I think you’ll be so happy with the tubes.  I had started dreading the procedure and just having it done in general, and afterward I was wishing we had done it months earlier – for everyone’s sake.  I recently realized that my lack of sleep is directly proportional to how much I freak out about things.  So you’re not the only one!  Have a good weekend!

     
  2. Grandpa

    March 6, 2009 at 7:41 am

    I am sorry you have had this unfortunate experience with Koren’s ear infections – It is very difficult to see your little guy in pain – I’m glad you are going forward with the tubes – It is too bad he will have to deal with the ear plug thing when swimming, etc. but better that than PAIN !! Keep us blg readers posted – I miss not seeing them when I am busy all week in Houston and don’t have this link to keep up – I KNOW, I COULD CALL YOU – Sorry – Grandpa

     
  3. Amy

    March 6, 2009 at 7:46 am

    Actually, the doctor told me he won’t have to wear ear plugs unless he’s going in a lake or ocean. 
    Apparently they’ve done a lot of research in the past few years that determined wearing earplugs when swimming or bathing is neither beneficial nor neccessary.  Wish we had known that when I was little smile

     
  4. Grandpa

    March 6, 2009 at 7:53 am

    Wow – No kidding – I am very happy for him (and you parents) – It was a stuggle trying to keep those wax things in your ears and I’m sure, not much fun wearing them – Dad

     
  5. Mary Meneley

    March 6, 2009 at 9:07 am

    As usual, parenting is teamwork. I’m thankful you have only one child sick at this time and not the rest of you.

    “This too will pass!”

    As always, my favorite saying.

    Love, Mom