Archive for the ‘Kaelin’ Category

Stuff My Kids Have Said in the Past 48 Hours

21 Apr
This is what I get when I ask them to stand up straight, like a soldier.

This is what I get when I ask them to stand up straight for a picture (like a soldier).  Hooligans.


This weekend we took our kids to dinner at a nice sushi restaurant.  As we were leaving, one of the restaurant staff members stopped us to comment how cute, well-behaved, and well-mannered our children were – that clearly we had “the whole package.”  We thanked him, and left the restaurant thinking, “If only you knew…”

Sometimes I think it’s a wonder that we’re even ALLOWED to have more kids.

*  *  *

“Mama, I’m not saying you’re fat… but I can totally tell you’re pregnant from the back.”
“Thanks, Koren.”
“What?  I’m not saying you look fat.”
“That’s exactly what you’re saying.”
“No, because you’re not fat, you’re pregnant.  I can just tell from the back because you’re … bigger.”
“Koren, it would be a good idea for you to stop talking now.”
“No you can not.  Please go somewhere else now.”

*  *  *

Pastor: “We have died to sin…”
Kaelin: “You don’t look dead.”

*  *  *

“Mama, we learned in school that Forgiveness is ‘deciding that a person who has wronged you doesn’t have to pay.’  So you can’t give me a consequence for disobeying, because that means you haven’t forgiven me.”

(I may need to suggest that the school examine the differences between “forgiveness” and “grace”…)

*  *  *

“Mama, look!  We mixed our paint colors together and made a new color!  We call it ‘Alchemy.'”

*  *  *

Koren was following Kaelin around, nit-picking everything she was doing (or not doing).  She was ignoring him, and headed out to the sun room.
“Kaelin, you need to pick up your shoes.  Kaelin, you’re supposed to be-”  (The door closed in his face.)
He let out a big sigh and shook his head.
“Oh, Kaelin…  Sometimes life with her is so hard.”

*  *  *

“Koren are you sure your slippers need to be washed?”
“Yes, they’re dirty.”
“They’re brand new.  How are they dirty?”
“I stuck them in my underwear to see how big it would make my penis look.  It looked really big!”

*  *  *

During the church service, Kaelin entertained herself for a few minutes by listing members of her family and one word to describe each of them:
Cousin: Active
Aunt: Busy
Uncle: Willing
Kaelin: Funny
Mama: Firm
Daddo: Ridiculous
Koren: Weird
Grandmommy: Kind
Grandpa: Patient

Koren asked her what “firm” meant.  She spent a few moments in consternation, trying to come up with a definition, and eventually said she couldn’t tell him because “Mama won’t like it.”

“It means I make you follow the rules,” I suggested.  She readily agreed to that as a suitable way to put it.  I kind of wish I could have been in her head when she was filtering her OWN definitions though.

*  *  *

“Kaelin, you’re getting tall. Are you growing AGAIN? Who gave you permission to grow?”
“Daddo, YOU gave me permission to grow when you sexed Mama and made me.”
Realizing that he had just completely lost control of this conversation, J stood there blinking in shock – which she apparently interpreted as his failure to comprehend what she was talking about.
So she punctuated the announcement with, “You know, …” (insert pelvic thrust).

DISCLAIMER: While the fact that we are having a baby soon has opened the door to many … delicate … conversations about where babies come from, at no time did any of them involve any form of pelvic thrusting.  I HAVE NO IDEA where she learned (or came up with) that.

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Posted in Kaelin, Kid Quotes, Koren, Parenting, Pregnancy, School


Kaelinisms: Socks Edition

02 Dec

“Daddo, when I pull my socks up, my legs itch.  But when I push them down my legs are cold.  I HAVE ISSUES!”

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Posted in Kaelin, Kid Quotes


Madagascar Ice Sculpture Exhibit

25 Nov

Yesterday, we took our elves to the annual Ice Exhibit at the Gaylord Texan.  It’s always fun to go to the Gaylord at Christmas time … or as Kaelin, calls it, “Santa Land.”

We enjoy touring the ice exhibit each year – it’s fascinating what artists can do with blocks of colored ice.

The kids always look forward to zooming down the ice slide.

On the drive home, the kids made sure their elves were safely buckled.

Koren said that he AND Eddie had a great time, but he got pretty quiet on the drive home.  He seems to be fighting a bug or something, and the morning activity just wore him out.  When we got home, he had a mild temperature and went straight to bed.  He seemed to feel better after a 3-hour nap, and we’re hoping he can sleep off whatever it is that’s dragging him down.  This morning he’s in good spirits and his temp has gone down, but we’re making him take it easy today since we have Jens’ birthday celebration this evening.

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Posted in Christmas Elves, Holidays, Kaelin, Koren, Photos


Western Angry Birds Birthday Party

26 Oct

We had Kaelin’s birthday party at Storybook Ranch this year.  Between pony rides, a petting zoo, bounce houses and a hay maze, the kids stayed busy every minute.  We even ran out of time for the hay ride that was included in the package.  Kaelin had a blast with all her friends and I got to meet some of the new friends in her class.

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Posted in Birthdays, Kaelin, Photos


Angry Birds Cake

25 Oct

Kaelin has had her heart set on an Angry Birds theme for her 7th birthday party since approximately the day after her 6th birthday party.  Since it wasn’t Disney, I was happy to oblige.  Really, I’ve been pretty fortunate in the overall lack of Disney princess obsession she has developed.

We ended up having her birthday at a pumpkin patch located on a ranch, so Angry Birds became Western Pumpkin Angry Birds.

I scoured the web for Angry Birds cakes, but  couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for.  So I invented it.

I neglected to take as many “in process” pictures of this cake as I usually do.  But you’ll probably get the idea.  It took me a full day plus a couple of evenings.  I did attempt buttercream for the first time in a long time.  Not sure what I did the first time I tried to make buttercream (several years ago) but that time it tasted like straight butter and was disgusting.  This time, however, I had success and created a pretty delicious (if I do say so myself) frosting that is a lot cheaper than buying the decorator frosting tubs.  It’s a relief to no longer be scared of buttercream.

My initial model

Chocolate piggy halves

Stone tower covered in fondant

Stone tower – these were made of styrofoam because a) it’s sturdier, and b) I didn’t need that much cake

The base of the cowboy hat was made of gum paste. I dried it on a cake smoother to give it its shape.

Cowboy Piggy and the logs are made of cake.  I did learn something very important.  Moist cakes and buttercream frosting get very soft when luke-warm.  Next time I will freeze the cake before covering it in fondant so it will keep its shape.  It’s really disheartening when you suddenly discover that your piggy has aged 30 years in an hour, and now has wrinkles.

Extra bird… because you can’t really have an Angry Birds cake without any birds. Another lesson learned though… you can’t turn gum paste into chocolate gum paste just by adding cocoa powder. It gets very dry and cracky and will not absorb the powdered sugar you have to use to roll it out.

At the party. Remember that “buttercream gets soft when warm” thing? Piggy took a nosedive into the grass halfway through the party. Fortunately, everybody thought it was funny and fit with the theme.


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Posted in Birthdays, Cakes, Kaelin



17 Oct

I don’t know how it happened, but somehow we went from this:

to this:

I guess I blinked.

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Posted in Birthdays, Kaelin


Grandparents Day

29 Sep

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Posted in Kaelin, School


Petting Zoo

23 Sep

I took Kaelin and her best friend to tour a little ranch that we are considering for the location of Kaelin’s birthday party.  She was sold the minute she saw the petting zoo, and it just about took an act of God to pull her away when it was time to leave.

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Posted in Birthdays, Kaelin, Pets/Animals, Photos