Archive for the ‘Kid Quotes’ Category

Stuff My Kids Have Said in the Past 48 Hours

21 Apr
This is what I get when I ask them to stand up straight, like a soldier.

This is what I get when I ask them to stand up straight for a picture (like a soldier).  Hooligans.

 

This weekend we took our kids to dinner at a nice sushi restaurant.  As we were leaving, one of the restaurant staff members stopped us to comment how cute, well-behaved, and well-mannered our children were – that clearly we had “the whole package.”  We thanked him, and left the restaurant thinking, “If only you knew…”

Sometimes I think it’s a wonder that we’re even ALLOWED to have more kids.

*  *  *

“Mama, I’m not saying you’re fat… but I can totally tell you’re pregnant from the back.”
“Thanks, Koren.”
“What?  I’m not saying you look fat.”
“That’s exactly what you’re saying.”
“No, because you’re not fat, you’re pregnant.  I can just tell from the back because you’re … bigger.”
“Koren, it would be a good idea for you to stop talking now.”
“WOW, CAN I MEASURE YOUR THIGHS?”
“No you can not.  Please go somewhere else now.”
“But… can I show Kaelin???  KAELIN COME HERE AND LOOK AT MAMA’S THIGHS.”

*  *  *

Pastor: “We have died to sin…”
Kaelin: “You don’t look dead.”

*  *  *

“Mama, we learned in school that Forgiveness is ‘deciding that a person who has wronged you doesn’t have to pay.’  So you can’t give me a consequence for disobeying, because that means you haven’t forgiven me.”

(I may need to suggest that the school examine the differences between “forgiveness” and “grace”…)

*  *  *

“Mama, look!  We mixed our paint colors together and made a new color!  We call it ‘Alchemy.'”

*  *  *

Koren was following Kaelin around, nit-picking everything she was doing (or not doing).  She was ignoring him, and headed out to the sun room.
“Kaelin, you need to pick up your shoes.  Kaelin, you’re supposed to be-”  (The door closed in his face.)
He let out a big sigh and shook his head.
“Oh, Kaelin…  Sometimes life with her is so hard.”

*  *  *

“Koren are you sure your slippers need to be washed?”
“Yes, they’re dirty.”
“They’re brand new.  How are they dirty?”
“I stuck them in my underwear to see how big it would make my penis look.  It looked really big!”

*  *  *

During the church service, Kaelin entertained herself for a few minutes by listing members of her family and one word to describe each of them:
Cousin: Active
Aunt: Busy
Uncle: Willing
Kaelin: Funny
Mama: Firm
Daddo: Ridiculous
Koren: Weird
Grandmommy: Kind
Grandpa: Patient

Koren asked her what “firm” meant.  She spent a few moments in consternation, trying to come up with a definition, and eventually said she couldn’t tell him because “Mama won’t like it.”

“It means I make you follow the rules,” I suggested.  She readily agreed to that as a suitable way to put it.  I kind of wish I could have been in her head when she was filtering her OWN definitions though.

*  *  *

“Kaelin, you’re getting tall. Are you growing AGAIN? Who gave you permission to grow?”
“Daddo, YOU gave me permission to grow when you sexed Mama and made me.”
Realizing that he had just completely lost control of this conversation, J stood there blinking in shock – which she apparently interpreted as his failure to comprehend what she was talking about.
So she punctuated the announcement with, “You know, …” (insert pelvic thrust).

DISCLAIMER: While the fact that we are having a baby soon has opened the door to many … delicate … conversations about where babies come from, at no time did any of them involve any form of pelvic thrusting.  I HAVE NO IDEA where she learned (or came up with) that.

 
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Posted in Kaelin, Kid Quotes, Koren, Parenting, Pregnancy, School

 

Korenisms: Tickling Edition

13 Dec

Kaelin: Koren, did you know that Daddo only tickles people he loves?
Koren:  Yes.  I did know that.
(30 seconds of silence)
Koren: Daddo, you love your job, so do you tickle your boss?

 
 

Korenisms: Challenge Edition

02 Dec

Should I be alarmed that when my kids are riding bikes in the street and I call out the “Car coming!” warning, my son’s response is “Bring it!”…?

 
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Posted in Kid Quotes, Koren

 

Korenisms: Dear Edition

02 Dec

“Mama, I can’t write without a marker.”
“The markers are on the art table.  Why don’t you go get one.”
“Mama, would you be a dear* and go get it for me please?”

 

*Complete with impish grin

 
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Posted in Kid Quotes, Koren

 

Kaelinisms: Socks Edition

02 Dec

“Daddo, when I pull my socks up, my legs itch.  But when I push them down my legs are cold.  I HAVE ISSUES!”

 
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Posted in Kaelin, Kid Quotes

 

The Starving Rabbit

27 Sep

I typically drop the kids off at home in between picking them up from school and heading to the gym for my weekly training session.  Yesterday, both kids decided they really wanted to come to the gym with me.

So I called Jens and let him know that they wouldn’t be home yet, but that in the meantime he was in charge of getting dinner prepared because once we got out of the gym I was going to have a couple of rabid starving animals on my hands.

“Mama, what’s a rabbit starving animal?”
“It means you get very grumpy when you’re hungry.”
“I won’t get grumpy.”

I took Koren’s word with a grain of salt because we typically have approximately 30 minutes from the time he comes home after school to get some food in him, or else he turns into an unstable atomic bomb.  I hadn’t brought a snack for him, and he had declined to grab one from the cracker bucket on the way out of school.  So despite their sudden enthusiasm for going to the gym’s play area, I was pretty sure this was a recipe for disaster when it was over.

After my training session, I retrieved my children, with smiles on their faces.  I asked Koren if he was hungry.  He said yes, but also offered to hold my purse for me (my little helper).  I specifically noticed the complete lack of whining and complaining and sheer desperation that has been a part of the (few) other times we have tried the “gym after school” routine.

“See Mama, I’m not a rabbit.”
“That’s true.  You’re doing very well.”
“But Mama, I’m so hungry.  I’m hungrier than you think I am.  My tummy is so squishy and it needs food in it RIGHT NOW.”
“I know bub.  We’re going to take care of that right now.”

Fortunately, Jens had been true to his word, and dinner was served up immediately as we walked in the door.

Sometimes a lack of drama in a day can be a great surprise.

 
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Posted in Kid Quotes, Koren, Parenting, Undeniable Cuteness

 

Korenisms: Heaven Edition

05 Sep

“Daddo, when Jesus comes back and there’s a new heaven and a new earth — will this earth go away?”
“Yes, Jesus will make new ones for us to live in. He’ll make everything brand new.”
“Will we come back to visit this earth?”
“No, we’ll live in the new one. This one will be gone”
(bursts into tears [yes, actual tears]) “But that means we’ll never get to go to Olive Garden again!

* * *

“In the new heaven/new earth, you’ll even get to see Xander again.”
“But that’s sooooo lonnnnng away…”
“Well, I hope so, because that means you will have lived a long, full life.”
(more tears) “But why do you want it to be a long time before I see Xander???”

 

 
 

Korenisms: Cleanliness Edition

26 Aug

“Mama, I know that girls are cleaner than boys.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.  Daddo told me that.”