Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Husband Meme

02 Sep

I think I’ve been tagged.  Not sure because when someone says Amy, I’m never sure if they’re talking about me or the other 6,000 Amy’s in any 2-mile radius.

1.  What is his name? Jens
2. Who eats more? him
3. Who said, “I love you” first? him
4. Who is taller? him
5. Who is smarter? Him.  Dude has a wicked memory, especially for numbers and song lyrics.  He still remembers the phone number to the Pizza Hut in Anchorage.
6. Who is more sensitive? Depends on the issue.
7. Who does the laundry? Me
8. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Right side when you’re facing the bed?  Or when you’re in it?
9. Who pays the bills? Him
10. Who cooks more? Cooking?  What’s that?
11. Who is more stubborn? Our daughter.  And Jens will tell you she gets that from me.  I don’t know where he gets this stuff.
12. Who is the first to admit they are wrong? Him.  I’m never wrong, so it doesn’t apply.
13. Who has more siblings? We both have one.
14. Who wears the pants in the relationship? We both like pants.  I’m not really a “dress” person.
15. What do you like to do together?  Play with the kids, watch movies, play games, travel, dream of traveling, plan traveling (though that’s mostly Jens, I hate making travel arrangements)
16. Who eats more sweets? Me.
17. Guilty Pleasures? Um… playing sports?  Maybe McDonalds?  I dunno, he’s practically a saint.  We won’t get into MY guilty pleasures…
18. How did you meet? We were cast as monkeys in a play in college.  And I dragged him around town looking for a tutu because he had a car and I didn’t.
19. Who asked whom out first? Jens asked me.  Though I was in denial that we were even dating for several weeks.
20. Who kissed whom first? He totally took me by surprise.  He likes to do that…
21. Who proposed? Jens.  Again with the total surprise smile – he was supposed to be in Minnesota and wound up at my doorstep after sending me on a scavenger hunt.
22. His best features and qualities? He is patient and good at keeping his head on straight when I tend to get wrapped up in things.  He makes me laugh, and makes me think.  He’s considerate.  He’s an excellent father.  He has a way with people that I will never understand but always admire.  He’s hawt. 

And he’s totally going to get an ego boost out of this.

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Bragging Rights

17 Jan

Hey, guess what I get to do for my birthday?  No, really, guess.  Nevermind, I’m too impatient so I’ll just tell you.

I get to see the stage version of Lord of the Rings… IN LONDON!

Jens has planned a weekend excursion and we’ll also get to see the King Tut exhibit at the O2 Dome, which sounds really cool.  One final getaway before we have 2 kids and never get to travel internationally again…

Truly, truly I say to thee… my husband rawks.


Hey, Guess What?

16 Aug
  • I hurt myself from yawning too big.   I think I overstretched the tendon that connects my jaws or something.   I know.   I’m now in competition with Sammy Sosa for lamest injuries.   I wonder if Workers Comp covers that kind of thing.   It was the boredom brought on by my job that forced me to yawn, after all.
  • I dreamed that I had an affair.   With J.   No idea who I was actually married to in the dream.   But Jens’ conscience got the best of him at the last second and he backed out on me.   So I woke up guilty, bummed, grumpy, and horny.   I hate dreams.
  • After 4 years, my dog has just discovered that he has a penis.   He has been licking it for 48 hours straight.   It’s driving us crazy, especially since he sleeps in our room and he’s decided that licking himself is more fun than sleeping.
  • Don’t buy hair dye that costs less than $10.   Especially if you use white towels and don’t want to see it bleeding onto your towel 4 days after you’ve colored your hair.   Just saying.
  • Also, don’t believe the stuff on the box of cheap hair dye that says it comes with highlights and lowlights and multi-faceted color that doesn’t damage your hair.   Bollocks.
  • Tomorrow we close on the house we’re selling.
  • Tomorrow we’re supposed to close on the house we’re buying.
  • Yesterday we found out that the house didn’t appraise for near what we had agreed to pay for it, so now our financing is messed up.
  • The appraiser totally discounted the sunroom, which would have made up the difference in the appraisal price.   He refused to count it as part of the square footage of the house (as a previous appraiser had done) because it didn’t have duct work or something.   But since nobody else in the neighborhood has a sunroom, he couldn’t find “comps” so he just didn’t give it any value at all.
  • Because, you know, if nobody else has one then it must have been free to install.
  • Apparently if you can’t find one just like it then it’s easier just to pretend it doesn’t exist at all than to do some more research and assign a value based on an educated guess.
  • Lazy ass.
  • So we’ve asked the relocation company to lower the price on the house because it doesn’t make much sense to pay more than a house is actually worth.
  • But it’s a relocation company and it will probably take them a week to get back to us because when you have 150 middlemen, things don’t move too quickly.
  • And we don’t know what they’re going to say.
  • So we don’t know if or when we’ll be closing.
  • Annoying, since we’re supposed to move out of our house in 2 days.
  • Regardless, we have to disassemble and pack up our computer tonight or tomorrow, so I’ll probably be offline for a few days.
  • Bummer dude.

Unable to remember the last time I was this mortified

09 Aug

The underwear was still in the dryer when Kaelin and I got through with our shower this morning. With a towel around my head, I peeked out of the upstairs bedroom door to see if there were any observant passersby through the large window that looks in on our balcony. No one was out there, so I did my Lightning Judo Sprint and rushed across the balcony to the stairs. J gives me a hard time for being paranoid about somebody looking into our house and seeing me naked.

The blinds on the rest of the front windows were closed, so once I made it down the stairs I was pretty much safe. I had left Kaelin in the shower and she was calling something to me, so I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and called back to her.

It was then that I noticed some movement directly in front of me. A man with a tape measure standing at the back door (which is one giant window) was throwing his hand over his eyes and whirling away from the door.

Shrieking some expletive or another, I pulled out another one of my Ninja moves and dove across the living room into the bathroom. The dog started barking. I was trapped in the bathroom with no way to get to my clothing. J came down the stairs after the barking dog and I whimpered something to him about who the hell was looking into our back door and PLEASE BRING ME SOME UNDERWEAR.

He did, but not before stopping by the bathroom to laugh at my misfortune, not unlike the time I stood around laughing at him when Kaelin sprayed him with globs of projectile poo three times during the course of a single diaper change. We have that kind of supportive relationship.

Evidently, the Title Company had sent some guys over to do a land survey. J knew they were here because he answered the door while I was in the shower. He swears he yelled upstairs to me that they were here.

I don’t know what was worse: the fact that I full-on exposed myself to a perfect stranger, or his reaction of running away at the sight of my nudity. Perhaps it’s time to do some grooming…


My Husband Rocks

05 Jul

Sensing my frustration earlier today, J surprised me with a plane ticket to New York City to go visit Joi in a few weeks.

Do I have the best husband or what?



27 Jun

Ok, it appears that I have been called out on my assumptions in the last post. I hereby pronounce that the dining room chairs look GREAT and are the perfect color.

Garden Ridge is having a 50% Off Sale on their baskets, which is great because I’ve found baskets to be my lifesaver in this whole “organize everything and leave nothing on top of any visible horizontal surface” movement we’ve been ordered to undertake. But now I’m out of baskets and have to go back to Garden Ridge (again) to get some more.

But I guess I can do that when I take back the artwork that my dear husband brought home.


It seemed like a good idea at the time

26 Jun

I just sent my color-blind husband to Garden Ridge to pick out a piece of artwork that “matches” our newly created dining room. And four dining chairs that “match” the artwork we already have. Am I a glutton for punishment or what?


Food, Injuries and Anniversaries

16 Jun

How is it that I can go to the store and spend over $200 in groceries…and have nothing to eat?

How is it that sometime between last year and this year I got old, and can no longer play a game of rec league softball without injuring myself?

How is it that even when I have my Fathers Day gifts planned out weeks in advance, I still find myself skipping church to make an emergency run to the store on Father’s Day?

How is it that 6 years could have passed so fast?

Today, was our 6th anniversary. Jens’ dad was still here so we spent much of the day hanging out with family, then took him to the airport and had a nice dinner out at Fogo de Chao. Apparently FdC has grown more casual than I remember it being. Not only were lots of people wearing jeans*, but there were a suprising number of families there with youngish children.

In general, when a restaurant costs more than $50 per person, I tend to assume that jeans are not a appropriate attire and that children are … discouraged. Evidently I’m wrong about this. Of the three families (with children) sitting next to us, one showed up with McDonald’s Happy Meals for their kids. What’s the point of that? Find a babysitter. Your kids would probably appreciate it.

The last time I ate at FdC, which I think was 2 years ago, I gained 3 pounds from that single meal. And they stayed on. Hopefully that won’t be the case this time. Though I can say it would be worth it. That place rocks.

Afterward, we rented a movie and spent the remainder of our Anniversary on the floor in front of the big TV. Which is really the only way to spend an evening after you’ve just eaten 5 pounds of meat.

Happy Anniversary to my mostest favoritest person in the whole world who I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with!

*Which was doubly annoying because I had griped at J for wanting to wear jeans and made him change into slacks before we left, AND I would have been so much more comfortable in jeans myself because I could have worn shoes that allowed me to wear an Ace Bandage on my ankle. Instead, I went booted and braceless and my ankle hurt. Stupid softball.