Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Korenisms: TV Edition

26 Aug

“I think we need a new TV.”
“Why?”
“This one has too many commercials.”

 
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Posted in Kid Quotes, Koren, Television

 

How We Roll

09 Apr

This is how my kids watch baseball games when we’re not at the ballpark.

 

Mom Fail

13 Aug

Today I am battling a bad night’s sleep and a rotten sore throat.  Consequently, we came home this afternoon and “rest time” turned into an epic 3.5 hour event, which meant a lot of TV for my non-napping son.

And that was after spending an hour and a half at Studio Movie Grill taking in the Kidtoons movie.  So we’re ending the day with an overdose of screen time.

And then I gave him sour milk*. Twice.

Yeah, pretty sure I won’t win any Mom of the Year awards today.

* Did you know that milk can go seriously sour before the expiration date, without smelling bad?  I swear, I learn something new every day.

 
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Posted in Health...or Lack Thereof, Parenting, Television

 

Interesting Facts About the Superbowl

06 Feb

I don’t have a huge interest in the Super Bowl, mostly because I have no interest in football, which is why I’m sitting at my computer typing the middle of the game.

But for you fans, here are some interesting tidbits to read when you have pulled yourselves away from the tube.

  1. $3 Million dollars might sound like a lot of money for a 30-second advertisement, but when you break it down by the number of people that actually watch the Super Bowl, it’s only 2.7¢ per person.  And when you combine that with the fact that these commercials are distributed around the internet at no cost to the advertiser, and the fact that many people watch the Super Bowl for the commercials… it’s actually quite a bargain.
  2. The Green Bay Packers are the only non-profit team in any major American league.  The shareholders don’t get benefits like season tickets or dividends.  The fact that the team has no sole or majority owner is the reason it has never been moved from Green Bay.
  3. 80% of the time, when an original NFL team wins the Super Bowl, the stock market goes up for that year.  Since both the Packers and the Steelers are original teams, hopefully that will mean good things for this year’s market.
 
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Posted in Current Events, Sports, Television

 

Obviously, I Have Issues

03 Feb

My kids watch a fair amount of TV.  This is not something I’m really comfortable with, despite all the Reassuring! Messages! at the beginning of each Noggin episode that regale the amazing benefits of each show with words like “cognitive development” and “improve skills.”

They get to watch half an hour before school while eating breakfast.  Then they often have another hour and a half of “screen time” (which includes TV, computer and/or playing games on my iPhone) sometime after school, depending on whether Koren actually takes a nap.  Once we move back to Texas, one of my goals is to cut down the M-F TV time drastically, and replace it with things like Piano Lessons!  and Gymnastics! and Ice Skating! and other activities that are mentally and physically taxing enough to encourage more sleeping through the night and less waking up at INSANE O’CLOCK and asking for breakfast.

Everything my kids watch is required to go through the Mama Filter – a strict standard of shows that are allowed because they don’t drive me up the wall.  Shows that make it through the Mama Filter are cute, relatively calm without being boring, and have some redeeming value:

  • Mickey Mouse
  • Word World
  • Curious George
  • Toot & Puddle
  • Olivia
  • Pinky Dinky Doo
  • Blue’s Clues

I also have the No Way Jose list, which are shows that I simply cannot stand and will not let my kids see.  These include, but are not limited to:

  • The Wiggles. These guys creep me out.  I’m not even sure why.
  • Phineas & Ferb. I don’t see any redeeming value in this show.
  • Spongebob and all other cartoons that pedal “disgusting” as “funny.”
  • Sesame Street. The filming quality of this show hasn’t improved in the last 30 years.  There are so many better options out there today, including anything that doesn’t have a red fuzzy monster that talks 3 octaves above what the human ear can understand.  Just listening to Elmo gives me a headache.
  • Yo Gabba Gabba. OMG I’m pretty sure they could use this show as a method of military torture.

In addition to this, there are a few shows that I will allow my kids to watch as a last resort, but get filtered out if there is anything better on.  I usually have to leave the room if the kids are watching these, because they sort of make me want to hit my head against the wall repeatedly.  Honestly, most kids’ shows fall into this category, but I’ll just list a few here.

Dora the Explorer

Who doesn’t want to sit around listening to Dora Scream! Everything! She Says! for half an hour?  Me.  That’s who.  Also, I’m pretty sure a hoard of monkeys on crack could have come up with more intelligent lyrics to the show’s theme songs.  “I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map, I’m the map…”  I see a Grammy in this show’s future.

Go, Diego, Go

As Dora’s cousin, Diego is also required to yell every sentence, which gets old after oh, 3 seconds.  I let the kids watch this show because they enjoy learning about the animals, but I have some issues with it.  For one thing, its creators seem to be under the impression that a children’s show isn’t worthy enough unless its characters sing. So they throw in these odd and unnecessary musical numbers which seem totally contrived.

Second, it constantly pricks at one of my pet peeves in children’s shows.  WHY must EVERY EPISODE be about baby animals getting lost from their parents?  Is it really necessary to instill this fear in my kids?  And once the baby animal gets back to the Mommy animal, she’s all, “Oh Baby Bird!  I’m so glad you made it back to the nest!  I was so worried!” – which I might believe if she had ever GOTTEN OFF HER ASS and LOOKED for her kid.  Face it kids, your parents are incompetent and we know that getting separated from them is your worst nightmare, but if it ever happens you’re pretty much on your own.

The Wonder Pets

Same thing.  Every episode is about rescuing some baby animal from a dire situation.  Where are these animals’ parents?  They show up at the end (with snacks to reward the Wonder Pets of course), SO RELIEVED that their babies are safe despite their own complete lack of involvement.

Little Einsteins

Out of all the children who could have auditioned for the role, was it really SO HARD to fill the singing talent role with a child who could actually SING?  Also, this show tries WAY TOO HARD to relate its episodes to music in some way.  The goose is hungry, so we feed him Music Grass (WTH)? Leo wants a pet so he gets a Music Pet (Again…WTH)?

Dino Dan

Kaelin loves this show.  I can’t watch it because the script is so bad.  I can’t tell if all the dinosaurs are in his imagination, and that’s why he’s the only one that ever sees them… but then sometimes other kids can see them too.  “Oh wow, a Tyrannosaurus Rex is sleeping in the street in front of my house!  This large carnivorous beast poses no threat to me whatsoever so I think I’ll go talk to it!”

Max & Ruby

This show is boring.  But where are these kids’ parents???  Somebody call CPS, because anybody who’s in “Bunny Scouts” is not old enough to be the legal guardian of her brother.  Also, Max is what – 3 years old? – and still speaking in one-word sentences?  Get this kid some speech therapy!

This concludes this episode.  Thanks for joining us and we’ll see you next time on I Just Spent 30 Minutes Devoting Energy to Things I Usually Try to Avoid.

 

Jackie's Got Talent

12 Oct

I’m going to give Sarah Brightman the benefit of the doubt and assume she has a cold or something… because I know I’ve heard her sound better.  But in this video…she totally got upstaged by an 11 year old.

 
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Posted in Television

 

Projects

09 Oct

I’ve been working on a few little projects lately, which have been eating up most of my spare time.

For one thing, I’m planning another overhaul of this website. Changing operating systems, servers, etc. The new site is just about ready to launch and I like it, but more importantly it will make things easier on me in the future. I’m leaving EE and going back to WordPress, which is not the easiest thing to do, but I think the benefits will outweigh the pain in the butt that the migration has been.

Also, I’m making bows. Lots and lots of hair bows. And handmade cards. I’ve entered my first craft fair, the Nutcracker Craft Faire here in Homer. I keep hearing people talk about it, so I thought I’d give it a shot and maybe make a little money for Christmas gifts. At least, I was hoping that would be the case, but I’m finding that crafting is so expensive that I’m going to have to sell a lot of bows and cards to make any profit at all.

On the bright side, the craft work is giving me something to do with my hands while Jens and I catch up on Lost in the evenings. I hate being idle while watching TV. We just finished Season 5 so I guess we should start looking for a new series to start when we get through Season 6. Any suggestions?

 

American Circus

29 Mar

So it looks like Anti-Sanjaya Girl will have to endure another week of starvation. So far, it looks like she’s up for it – which, frankly, surprises me. I was thinking she’d give in this week.

If I ever decide to starve myself for a cause, I will make sure that:

  1. My goal can possibly be reached in increments of DAYS, not WEEKS. I can’t imagine the thought at 8:29pm every Wednesday night that you have to endure another ENTIRE WEEK before the next possibility of relief comes.
  2. It will not have anything to do with a reality TV show.

Although, I will say that I disagree with the people who are mad at her for hunger striking over such a minor issue because they think her priorities are screwed up when there are SO MANY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO STARVE YOURSELF FOR.

Frankly, anyone who goes on a hunger strike for World Peace, or Save the Rain Forests, or Stop the Genocide, or whatever, is resigning themselves to a death sentence. There is simply no way that any major issue like that can get resolved in the time it takes to die from lack of food, no matter how many people are trying to help you.

If you’re going on a hunger strike, it SHOULD be over something trivial, so that at least there is the possibility of succeeding – the possibility that SOMEBODY who matters will think that your life is more important than X and will conceded to your demands.

I’ve been keeping up with her blog, not so much from an overwhelming compulsion to see what happens to her, but more because it’s entertaining to read the comments she gets. Some people just have this compulsive need to hear themselves type, even if what they have to say takes a sudden left swing into the Valley of Irrelevance.

For instance, this was in response to a post she made about having lost 10 lbs:

wait, wait, let me get this straight…you are supposed to have LOST 10 lbs? Man, no offense, because I don’t know how tall you are and everything, but .I am like 5’7 and weigh 115 (if that)… and whereas you are supposedly 23 and from what I can gather you are living with your parents and they have so much concern, I just turned 21 and am in college, and we lost the house that my family was living in in Maryland because my mother made my 19 year old sister, 22 year old autistic brother, and I abandon the house and move with her and her crazy gf to Troy, NY the night after she made my father leave the house and go live with his mother, and my mother drove me back to Maryland in August 2006 since I am in college, and her friend came along for the drive and threatened to kill me and cursed my mother’s parent’s out and my mother did absolutely NOTHING, so now my father has to come get me and I have to stay at his senile mother’s house with no computer or internet during breaks from college. Otherwise I am pretty much on my own. I don’t even have a bf or anything because I am afraid to trust anyone, and it seems like everyone at my college is black, but I don’t want to feel like I have to be comitted to a black person.

So you mean you weighed like 165 before? How tall are you anyway?

Somebody needs a therapist to get all that angst out to. And then there are the AI wanna-be’s, waiting to be discovered:

THIS KID SUCKS… I would take him on in a second in a sing off, been singing all my life, so all these ppl saying they would like to see you or anyone else sing better than him, I will do it and this is not a joke, my dad taught me to sing when I was like 4 and he was a great singer I have a CD I made for him, just from him singing to music, anyone have any questions on that, I will be glad to send u a sound file!!!!!!! Just add me as a friend and you will hear it on myspace… I have sung in front of thousands of people, I know the nerves and was able to overcome them, it was AWESOME!!!! And you know what, would do it again in a second……My nephew was 4 years old when he first started singing thanx to my dad and his first song was BABE and he was on every note and every lyrics, So I guess what I am trying to say is all u ppl should think before u put your foot in your mouth………Sorry if this sounds harsh but I can’t stand u ppl putting J down for what she is doing, I worry bout her, but I understand her stand on this……………Oh and P.S. can u hypocrytes sing better than Shejaya, I think not…………..

Careful, y’all – she’ll “do it and this is not a joke.” I guess for some people, everything really is all about THEM.