Admission is the first step

31 Jan

Boss-Man accused me of being addicted to Quiznos.

I am NOT addicted to Quiznos.

I am a creature of habit, rendered incapable of developing new and exciting ideas for pick-up lunch cuisine, especially when left with a 2.5-minute* time frame in which to make such decisions.

Be ye not so quick to judge, lest ye be proven inescapably WRONG.

*I work in the Restaurant Capital of the World. Literally. There are more restaurants per capita here than anywhere else on the entire planet. Therefore, everybody and their mother’s brother comes here to eat between noon and 1pm. As a result, 2.5 minutes is the window of time between the realization of “I need to get lunch before noon or I’ll be standing in line for 45 minutes,” and noon.


 
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Posted in Food, Work

 

Pet Peaves

30 Jan

How to make me grumpy:

Wake us up by placing your claws on the outside of the door and SCREEEEEEEECHing them down until we let you in. Once inside the bedroom, jump onto Jens’ side of the bed and be soooooo lovey and sooooo haaaappy and purrrrrrrr in his ear to let him know how much you love him. Then walk around him and across my chest (OWWW) and leave a dribble of liquid poo right next to my pillow before scampering off to the litterbox.

BAD KITTY. BAD BAD KITTY.

It’s because I trimmed your claws, isn’t it. ISN’T IT!?!


 
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Posted in Peaves, Pets

 

OMG!!!

29 Jan

The day I discovered online shopping.


 
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Posted in Personal History, Photos, Such is Life

 

Knock-down-drag-out

29 Jan

I love my job. I love my job because I had a real knock-down-drag-out with The Boss yesterday and still have a job. An invigorating fifteen minutes of yelling at each other ended in laughter and (him) telling jokes. Dirty jokes. I love my job. I still wish I had actually won the argument though.

Here’s a quick reference for any future posts about the people I work with:

  • The Boss: President of the company. Has been in direct marketing for over 40 years and seen just about everything. Blatantly (and refreshingly) the most politically incorrect man I’ve ever met. Has opinions and advice on just about anything, can talk a blue streak and is mysteriously sharper than he presents himself. Analyzes personalities of those around him (almost) impeccably. Pronounces “business” as “bidnuz.” Has a lot of unconventional methods based on experience, which drives everyone crazy, especially since he usually turns out to be right.
  • Boss-Man: The Boss’ subordinate. Partner in the company, his official title is something like “VP Marketing.” Primary supervisor, comes in to work approximately 3 hours out of the day to write checks and pay bills. Also heads up on-location meetings. Other than that, we’re not really sure what he does except that he’s the only Partner that is in the office on a regular basis. Has a lot of traditional business sense, which conflicts at time with The Boss’ methods. Is also 6’2″, 280 lbs, and enjoys approaching within three inches so you are tempted to take a step backward to avoid being squashed.
  • Partner-Boss: More company partner than boss. The motivational/inspirational leader of the three. Rarely in the office, knows everybody in the whole world. Personal acquaintance of GW Bush. Stays with the President of Nigeria when he visits. Gets SUVs and Superbowl Tickets for free just for being a nice guy (to the right people). Former nightclub owner that shut his businesses down to go into the ministry and open a BBQ restaurant at which he holds weekly meetings of encouragement and accountability for his fellow brotherhood and anyone else that cares to attend. Has an unusual and almost unintelligible accent that mainly consists of dropping every consonant. Has never met a stranger.
  • Jamie: My one and only co-worker. We keep each other sane.

 
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Posted in Makes Me Happy, Such is Life, Work

 

The Day I Discovered Online Shopping

29 Jan



 
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Posted in Personal History, Photos

 

Abortion Stops a Beating

28 Jan

To those who know me, it comes as no surprise that I am pro-life. I was the result of an unplanned pregnancy (which is the PC way to say that my biological mom got knocked up as a teenager). In addition, I had a fairly noticeable physical birth defect that required immediate (and very costly) attention.

That’s two major strikes against me in the matter of deciding whether to go through with a pregnancy, yet my biological mother did so and put me up for adoption at birth. Consequently, I was raised in a stable, loving home by two remarkable people I know as Mom & Dad.

I once asked my parents if they had negotiated a better price for me because I was a “sold as-is” baby. They didn’t appreciate that question. I just think they should have gotten me on sale because they had to pay for repairs.

But I digress.

Anyway, it’s no great mystery that I am a pro-life supporter. Therefore, you can imagine my shock and dismay when we drove past this hand-painted sign in front of a church in Oklahoma:

“Abortion stops a beating”

At the time, I was unfamiliar with the (apparently) common adage and did not know that I was supposed to interpret the itsy-bitsy-almost-invisible drawing of a heart squeezed into the corner of the sign as the last word in the sentence.

So I’m thinking Crimminy, is this the new pro-choice movement? Dead babies are better than abused kids? Somebody shoot me now.

If you’re reading this and belong to a church in Oklahoma that has such a sign in front next to the highway, please – for the love of God and the emotional condition of the highway travelers – change your sign.


 

Battle of the Bulge Update

28 Jan

I was told by a member of a select group that I was the only one in that group who had not gained weight since high school.

TAKE THAT, BATHROOM SCALE OF DOOM.

Actually, I have gained weight, but we’re working on that. It was comforting to hear that apparently it’s not as noticeable to everyone else as it is to me. It was especially comforting this morning when FOR NO REASON AT ALL I woke up a pound heavier than yesterday. Doh.


 
 

Warning

27 Jan

Here’s a word to the wise for all passers-through.

DO NOT USE MY BLOG TO ADVERTISE YOUR OWN SITE. IT MAKES ME GRUMPY AND I WILL DELETE YOUR POST.

-Management


 
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Posted in Blogging, Don't Make Me Cut You, Peaves

 
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